Sibshops arrive as space for siblings with and without disabilities to work together
Having a sister or brother with a disability puts kids in a unique spot: They need to learn how to help their sibling get along in life, and they may be subject to special treatment themselves, perhaps receiving less attention for accomplishments that aren’t possible for everyone in the family.
That’s why Pittsburgh ACHIEVA has brought Sibshops to town. These sibling workshops put kids ages 7-13 from the same family, with and without disabilities, together in a setting where they can feel safe to talk about what it’s really like: the good, the bad, and the occasionally ugly.
“Kids will change,” says Sibshops Pittsburgh director Rebecca E. Tyers of the ACHIEVA Family Trust. “Some weeks it’s the best time ever. Other weeks, they will be like, ‘Yesterday, he punched me in the face.’ You can talk if you want to; you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. And stories stay in the workshop.”
Sibshops are part of a national program created by the Sibling Leadership Network. They’re run locally by adults who know what they’re talking about – the Sibshop facilitators and Tyers herself are all siblings of a sister or brother with a disability.
Tyers says she didn’t know a lot of other kids in a similar situation when she was growing up, and so she didn’t know what to expect. Now she knows that family members in that situation have different sensibilities and different than other families. Straight A’s aren’t praised as extravagantly for one kid when the other kid can’t reach that height. Maybe one of the kids is great at sports but will never receive the sorts of celebrations other kids get, because a sibling can’t even participate. Or, because one child in the famil has an immune system disorder, the others can’t do something as simple as going to the movies with the entire family.
“It’s a chance for the kids to get together and have the space and the environment to discuss their experiences,” Tyers says, “to normalize the situation.”
Some Sibshop activities are related directly to understanding and facilitating sibling interaction; others are just to let kids have fun together. They may watch and discuss a documentary on a particular disability, embark on an art project that shows the world what it is like being a sib in that situation – from both sides – or simply go to the park for some recreation together. They have cooking lessons and empathy exercises.
“It’s cathartic to them,” she notes. “They get to release certain things they can’t say to their parents or [other] siblings.”
It’s also helpful in unexpected ways. For one, people are living longer, so today, more often than in previous years, one sibling will end up caring for another, later in life. It’s also true, Tyers says, that kids actually achieve more in life if they develop the drive and internal resources needed to handle their unusual sibling responsibilities from a young age.
ACHIEVA is already planning “to springboard this to more communities,” she says.
