5 ways to be a good ‘homework manager’ for your kids

Fall is in full effect, and Halloween is behind us. Many school districts are finishing up their first nine weeks, and children are getting ready to bring home the first report card of the school year. Some children and parents are more scared of this time of year than of any spooks during trick-or-treat.

An annual worry in many households is homework. Although daily assignments aren’t necessarily graded, overall, homework, and whether or not it gets done, can affect a child’s grade in a class.
What’s a well-intended parent to do? We asked some local educators and experts for advice. Here’s what they told us:

1. Take a step back.

“Adults are not homework partners,” says Deborah Gilboa, MD, author of Get the Behavior You Want… Without Being the Parent You Hate! “We are homework managers.”

According to the recent study “Don’t Help Your Kids with Their Homework,” overly- involved parenting, especially starting in middle school, can negatively impact academic achievement.
Gilboa – or as she is known online, Dr. G., says, “Encouraging parents to step back means helping very well-meaning parents to see that their involvement makes the parent feel better and may temporarily make the child happier, but does not achieve any of the goals they have for their child.”

Denise LaRosa, M.Ed. and founder of Mom Talk with Denise LaRosa, agrees. “If [a parent is] the one completing the homework assignments and calling all the shots, you are hindering your child’s independence.”

2. Create the right environment.

LaRosa says, “Make the experience [of doing homework] as pleasant as possible.”  The goal is to create a motivational, inspiring and appealing environment. LaRosa encourages parents and children work together to create a welcoming place to do their assignments. Designate a specific space, and let your child choose lighting and décor.

Dr. G says, “Teaching our kids good habits means making sure they have a space to do their work. It’s important the room be well-lit, with a work surface like a desk or table, and without distractions like a TV.”For many families, this could be the kitchen table while mom or dad make dinner.
Some children may need a more separate space, and of course, siblings and other family members can be distracting too. Dr. G. suggests, “Make sure everyone in the family knows homework is learning, and learning is more important than TV. Other family members need to be respectful of that space and time.”

3. Let your child take a break if she needs it.

“Some kids need to take a break after sitting in school all day,” Dr. G. points out. “That downtime can really help them focus better and more efficiently later.”

“Kids are not naturally still beings,” concurs LaRosa. “It’s okay, and in fact, it’s essential to incorporate breaks within the designated homework time. These breaks can include bathroom breaks, snack breaks, [even] stretching and other relaxation techniques.”

Of course, children are different. “Some kids can’t enjoy their downtime until they’ve finished the ‘have to’ list like homework and chores,” adds Dr. G. Giving them autonomy about when they do their work, but with a reasonable deadline, is an option, and can help children make good choices.

4. Be available, but don’t hover.

LaRosa says, “We must meet our children where they are. If your child wants you around, start by being near, then gradually spend less and less time with him or her.”

Again, Dr. G. is in agreement. “Supervision does matter. For elementary aged kids, this means a room with an adult present or easily available.” It’s important parents refrain from doing the work; however, it’s just as important a parent or other responsible adult – be it a babysitter or grandparent – provides what a child needs to get the work completed. “Check in at intervals to make sure the project is moving forward,” says Dr. G.

5. Communicate with teachers.

Finally, if a child is still struggling, it’s important to reach out to your child’s teacher. “Ask your child’s teacher these questions,” suggests Dr. G.:

• How long does the teacher expect your child to spend on homework per night?
• If it’s taking longer, is it okay to just stop?
• Ask the teacher if the child stays on task in the classroom, and if not, what does the teacher implement to refocus and help the student.

LaRosa adds, “Communicate with your child’s teacher to discover ways the teacher is able to get the most energy and effort from your child.” These techniques can work at home as well.

Ultimately, what we are striving to teach via homework is a work ethic of perseverance and commitment, skills our children will need as adults. LaRosa and Dr. G. say focusing on the work habits and actions rather than grades can help our children learn that their efforts matter and encourage them to always keep learning.

Featured image: Woodleywonderworks via Flickr Creative Commons.