screen time

Too much tech? Expert strategies for managing your kids’ screen time

The tablet computers were the worst Christmas gifts we ever gave our children.

Up until then, we had set firm goals and boundaries around screen time for our three children, ages 11, 9 and 5. Since we didn’t have cable, we only streamed shows from Netflix and Amazon Prime, and I monitored what they watched. Certain shows got banned (I’m looking at you “Adventure Time”), while others got two thumbs up: “Phineas and Ferb,” “Gravity Falls,” “Brain Games.” When my oldest discovered “Bill Nye the Science Guy,” I was over the moon.

In general, we followed screen time guidelines set by the American Association of Pediatrics (AAP). I can’t swear they watched zero TV time before age 2, but we had set limits, we didn’t watch TV during meals and our children don’t have TVs or computers in their room.

Then, they discovered Minecraft and would have happily played it for hours. They also discovered YouTube and how to play it on our smart TV. Suddenly I was waking up in a quiet house at 8 a.m. on Saturday, which, as most parents know, is sleeping in, because the children were downstairs, already an hour into their day and on the TV.

And then they got Kindle Fires last Christmas, and screen time became even more of an issue for us as a family. I got two emails from one teacher that homework was not being turned in. Another teacher asked if I was available for a conference. Chores were left undone, and I was getting growled at—yes, growled at—when I interrupted what they were playing or watching.

Plus, they were lying to me. I told them the tablets were not to go to school; one of the girls regularly snuck hers out of the house. They were telling me that their homework was done when it wasn’t. They were watching YouTube in their rooms.

Things needed to change. I needed help.

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According to the AAP, the majority of parents don’t set boundaries for screen time. “In a recent study,” the AAP site says, “two-thirds of children and teenagers report that their parents have ’no rules’ about time spent with media.” More shocking to me? “[T]he average 8- to 10-year-old spends nearly 8 hours a day with a variety of different media . . . ” That’s an entire school day!

I turned to Common Sense Media, an organization dedicated to helping families make smart media choices, to see what they had to say about my situation—which is not unique. I started by asking about the AAP’s guidelines. Caroline Knorr, senior parenting editor at CSM, was happy to address my worries.

“The AAP is concerned with the health and well-being of kids, first and foremost,” Knorr says, “so their guidelines are necessarily conservative.” The AAP is in the process of updating their recommendations, which were last updated in 2011, a year after the first iPads were released. For an idea of how quickly the technology is evolving, consider this: Since 2010, Apple has released five versions of the iPad, including the Mini in 2012 and the Pro in 2015. Android devices have continued to proliferate as well, and Microsoft Surface Pro devices are in their fourth generations.

As of 2015, 70 percent of households with children have a tablet computer. “We are expecting the updated guidelines to account for the increasing role of screen time and technology in kids’ lives, but maintain a balance that favors human interaction, especially for little ones,” Knorr adds.

Even if, like my husband and me, the horse is out of the barn and the children have tablets before clear rules on screen time are set, it’s not too late to start. “It’s so easy to get stuck in what feels like a losing battle with technology,” Knorr says in sympathy. “As a parent, it’s totally your prerogative to set limits on screens of all sizes in any way you see fit. If your current situation isn’t working,” adds Knorr, “figure out what in particular is driving you crazy.” Start there.

Set clear expectations

“Sit your children down and explain to them what your family’s rules are going to look like,” Knorr says. After that, consistency is key. Let your children know what earns them tablet time, and enforce your rules. That way, says Knorr, “You can save yourself from having the same debate every day.”

Where, when and what

Spelling out expectations lets children know what is acceptable. Decide where they can be on screens, at what times, and what kind of media they can engage with. Common Sense Media provides a comprehensive list of children-friendly apps, movies and other media. “Not all screen time is wasted time,” advises Knorr. “There are so many great apps and games that kids can learn valuable skills from. That said, for kids, play time is actually time well spent so there’s nothing wrong with letting them watch just for fun.”

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Create device-free zones

“A rule of thumb we recommend is to set device-free zones, like bedrooms and the dinner table,” Knorr says. According to research, conversation at dinner time is vital to a strong family unit, and children sleep better when they go device-free before bed. (This goes for adults, too.)

Set a time limit

If you feel like your children are always staring at a screen of some sort, there’s nothing wrong with shutting it down after a certain amount of time. Knorr says, “There are apps that only give kids access for a certain time.” Kitchen timers work great as well. “We’ve found giving a five-minute warning, or allowing kids to find a good stopping point to save their progress can help mitigate the fights.”

Follow your own rules

Telling your children that the dinner table is not the place for screens, and then checking Facebook at mealtime is contradictory. “Following your own rules is actually a great way to not only model the behaviors you want to see [in younger children], but goes a long way with tweens and teens, too,” Knorr says. “They will respect your rules if they see you following them too.”

Need some guidelines? Common Sense Media offers its own Family Media Agreement for the whole family at its site.

“While your immediate goal is to stop the madness, ultimately you are helping them develop healthy skills and habits in this digital world,” Knorr concludes.