So your teen likes metal music? This writer doesn’t want you to worry.

There was a mix of emotions in the air, but nothing could’ve excited me more than when the dark curtain with the bolded word “PANTERA” dropped. I felt a rush of adrenaline as the crowd erupted into cheers, the stage lights flashed, and fires emerged from the stage. I was at Star Lake Pavillion in the middle of a large crowd, but I felt in tune with the space like it was my home. That moment was the beginning of one of the most memorable nights of my life. 

I was there to hear my favorite kind of music — metal. And I was surrounded by people who love it, too.

Many parents want to know and understand their kids better, and talking with them about their favorite music can be a great way to do that. 

GOING BEYOND STEREOTYPES

Even though a lot of today’s adults grew up with metal music, there are still plenty who believe the genre is nothing more than noise. To people who haven’t gotten into metal, especially parents, metal music can seem too aggressive and angry. However at that Pantera concert, it was clear that the teens in the crowd felt something else entirely.

I spoke to a few of the local teens at the show to hear what the music meant to them – and what they’d want parents to understand about it.

“It just sounds good,” said a teen named Lucas. “It’s like an energy booster.”

Most of the teens I spoke with described the genre with simple words, like “good” and “cool.” Some of them provided other reasons like the sound of the drums, the variety of subgenres, or that it simply sounds “cool.” It didn’t feel necessary for them to analyze the music because it needed to be felt. So, it was difficult for them to describe exactly what metal meant to them.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Adam said. “There’s a lot of good things about it… It sounds good.”

Despite feeling in sync with the music without having words to explain why, the teens I spoke with also acknowledged that not everyone understands how to connect with it. I asked them what they want adults, especially parents, to understand about the genre. They had a lot to say on that.

The teens agreed that there are a lot of things misunderstood about metal. Over the years, negative stereotypes have persisted, painting “metalheads” as hostile and malicious.

“Everybody just thinks it’s noise and screaming,” Cain said. But to many fans, what could sound like violence can actually mean peace.

“It’s usually associated with Satan, and I don’t think – the screaming is usually inaudible, or you can’t really tell what they’re saying until you read the lyrics. But when you read the [lyrics], it doesn’t really sound too satanist. I mean, I’m sure, like, some bands do,” explained Lucas.

His dad, who was at the concert with him, pointed out that many metal bands can be pretty intense: “I mean, look at Slayer,” he said.

Lucas laughed and said, “Yea, Slayer, Avenged Sevenfold — I get that.”

As Lucas mentioned, there are bands and metal subgenres that use some satanic imagery. However, most of the time, it is nothing more than a symbol of rebellion against societal norms. Many bands actually use satanic themes for the purposes of satire, irony, metaphor, or simply shock value.

I spoke to another teen, Roland, who feels that parents don’t need to fear the impact of metal music on their kids. “If you listen to it, it doesn’t immediately make you, like, extremist, or stuff like that,” Roland said. “Basically, just don’t follow the stereotypes.”

Overall, I received many simple responses, but the messages were loud and clear: Most of them wanted parents to understand that metal isn’t satanic or “just noise.” A few mentioned how adults believe that, “metalheads are scary people” or assume “most of it is violent and satanic.”

But these teens hear a lot of positive messages in the metal songs they love. What may seem chaotic and loud on the outside often holds a deeper meaning on the inside.

The stereotypes came up again and again, which got me wondering: Why is it that these misunderstandings persist? How can parents truly understand what metal means to their kids?

I realized that like with all things, it helps to be curious instead of critical when it comes to your kids’ interests. Instead of making immediate assumptions, ask questions!

Aim for open-ended questions such as, “What does metal music mean to you?”

Here are some possible questions:

• What do you like about this band?
• What is your favorite subgenre of metal and why?
• How does metal music make you feel?

It helps to keep your tone in mind when asking these sorts of questions. (Just like you when you were a teenager, we can tell the difference between a judging tone and a curious tone.) Also, a simple follow-up question or comment like, “That’s interesting, tell me more,” is a good way to keep the conversation going.

A lot of metal music dives into deep lyricism that includes topics like mental health and injustice. For example, Pantera’s song “Hollow” references a friend in a coma: “It’s so important to make best friends in life, but it’s hard when my friend sits with blank expressions.”

This is something that you can also engage in conversation about, especially because it’s often an emotional outlet for teens. You can always ask them what the lyrics mean to them and how it affects them.

Another great way to gain understanding is attending a show yourself. Although that’s not always accessible, listening on whatever device you use is a solid alternative. Either way, you’re experiencing it firsthand together.

When you listen with your teen to metal music (or any music they like that you’re not into personally), try sharing something positive about that experience that you found. It can be something completely unexpected, like a lyric that struck you or a guitar solo you were impressed by. You can keep things lighthearted, but be open to a deeper conversation if that happens.

If your teen is into metal music and you do have concerns, that’s completely natural. But if you respectfully express those concerns and have open communication, you’ll be connecting with your teen and allowing them to express themselves in a way that can benefit you both.

I hope that if metal music interests you or your teen, it’s something you can really enjoy together. And maybe I’ll see you at the next Pantera concert!