pittsburgh family

How Pittsburgh parents cope with the holiday frenzy

Meals to be prepared, parties to plan, gifts to purchase, cards to send. From Thanksgiving through the new year, holiday challenges of time and money abound for parents and non-parents alike.

“Parents face challenges of keeping up with society’s image of [the holidays], such as gift giving,” says Lynn Allen, a licensed clinical social worker in private practice in Squirrel Hill. “Married parents face difficulties in agreeing on gift-giving, such as what to buy and how much to spend.” She adds that the pressure can be exacerbated for single parents, as finances can be tighter, and respite care harder to find.

Lynn Allen, LCSW
Lynn Allen, LCSW

We spoke with a number of Pittsburgh parents to check in on their favorite holiday traditions and how they refresh, recharge and reconnect this time of year (if they do!). Here’s what we found.

Setting limits

Tamara Reese is a contributing editor for Kveller.com and a stay-at-home mother to three children. She also has a fourth baby on the way. “With each baby, I become more willing to set limits for myself and guard my time (and sanity) very closely.” For example, she says, “Pregnant Mama doesn’t cook Thanksgiving dinner!”

Reese’s family is Jewish, and they relish their Chanukah traditions. “My children (5, 3, and 1) ADORE Chanukah,” she says enthusiastically. “We wear matching pajamas, have a family dance party, fry up latkes. Chanukah Shabbat is our favorite night. We open any gifts that family has sent, so there is always an abundance.”

Viewing the Menorah Photo credit: Tamara Reese
Viewing the Menorah. Photo by Tamara Reese

Reese laughs when asked about getting recharged this time of year. “I can’t remember the last time I felt ‘refreshed and recharged’ — being pregnant or nursing for the past seven years will do that to a person.” Reese’s husband is a surgical resident, and he works long hours. Since he works over the Christmas holiday, Reese volunteers with her children, then they enjoy a take-out meal with him at the hospital.

Reese says her focus this time of year is to closely guard time with her immediate family. “I make sure that I say ‘no’ to extra deadlines, obligations, and volunteer projects so I can allow more time to say ‘yes’ to my children.”

Being grateful 

Eric Williams, Ph.D. and stay-at-home dad to four children (ages 7, 6, 4, and 14 months), similarly stutters when asked about refreshing and recharging. “People with kids do that?” he quips.

As a practicing Catholic who is very active in his community parish as a cantor and choir member, Williams tends to plan religious traditions throughout the holiday season. Although the family doesn’t attend mass on Thanksgiving since it’s not a holy day of obligation, “The prayer before the start of the meal is a solemn time,” he says. This year, he had the children each mention something they were grateful for. “With the season of ‘Gimme! Want! Please? But my friends all have one!’ already upon us, it’s important to me that they develop an attitude of gratitude.”

Williams will attend Christmas Mass with his wife and four children, although he will not be able to sit with them. “Not being able to properly worship with my family has been a rough side effect of being a choir member,” he admits. At the same time, though, he says singing and listening to Christmas music is one of his favorite holiday traditions, whether the music is sacred or secular.

Allen suggests married parents plan a date night during the holiday season, regardless of their religion or tradition. “Individuals who are not religious typically have pressure of gift buying as well,” she points out. “Date night should be planned and scheduled, or it is likely not to happen!” she emphasizes.

Taking advantage of time together

Kristen and Beth Stepanczuk have taken this to heart. Kristen says, “It’s about a three-hour drive to my parents’ house, and now we time the long drive to coincide with our daughter’s nap.” Their little girl is 15 months old. Instead of listening to the radio or podcasts, they make the trip in quiet. There’s something about being on the road together and in that silence feeling such a strong connection and deep sense of love and gratitude.”

Kristen, who is a professional counselor in private practice, says that since she and Beth, a physician at UPMC, don’t have family nearby, they take advantage of free babysitting offers at holiday time when they travel to their respective home cities. “Both of us really value quality time and having the opportunity to spend time just the two of us together.”

The Stepanczuks are a dual-religious family, something their extended families have embraced as well. “I love that I get to decorate a Christmas tree and light a Menorah now. My mother makes cutout Christmas cookies, and now she’s added dreidel cutouts to the mix.”

Planning ahead 

Jessica Miller, a single mother living in Moon Twp., says she saves herself a lot of stress this time of year by not waiting until Black Friday or Cyber Monday to shop. “Too much stress!” she says. “I tend to shop throughout the year and avoid end-of-the-year budget pinches.” She’s even done with the wrapping already, except for her 9-year-old daughter’s gifts.

“I enjoy helping others less fortunate,” Miller adds, with food donations and adopt-a-family activities. Her daughter attends Catholic school, and while Miller isn’t a practicing Catholic, she likes the holiday traditions of Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Her favorite tradition is just spending time with extended family. “I recharge with holiday gatherings fueled by love and laughter,” she says. She especially enjoys watching people let go of the past year and celebrate the goodwill to come in the new year.

Allen thinks all families and parents should find ways to get self-care this time of year, and acknowledges that families and individuals are all different. “For more extroverted individuals, going out with others and connecting with friends is especially beneficial during this time.”

More introverted people may want to seek out quiet time in nature or with solo hobbies.

However you choose to celebrate, don’t forget to carve out some much-needed time for yourself. Your loved ones will benefit.

And from all of us at Kidsburgh, here’s to a very happy and stress-free holiday season!